Small girl appointed England manager

Tunbridge Wells teen at center of football furore

A clerical error has left the top bosses of the English Football Association red-faced in the wake of this morning’s shock announcement.  15 year old Harriet Ridley has emerged as the successor to Roy Hodgson, who’s side failed to progress beyond the quarter-finals of last months Euro 2012.

An FA spokesman released the following statement earlier today, in response to the nationwide cries of vociferous bewilderment at the latest in a string of controversial decisions made by the football governing body.

“We understand that the fans may have some concerns over Miss Ridley’s credentials,  but we assure you that what she lacks in ‘footballing knowledge’ she more than makes up for in determination”

“Harriet was not originally on our shortlist of potential targets, however we feel confident that she can step up to the mark”

Ridley, a student at Tunbridge Wells, boasts a formidable record at the level of  inter-school 7-a-side, having made 12 appearances for the Under 16 ‘2nd team’ – scoring 4.

It had been previously thought that former Tottenham Hotspur manager Harry Redknapp was in line to replace Hodgson, although there had been speculation that former boss Sven-Göran Eriksson could make a surprise return.

When questioned in her home about her appointment, Ridley – clutching a copy of the Hunger Games to her quivering breast – uttered a series of indecipherable wails before hastily retreating into her hallway.

It is thought that a secretary at the FA Headquarters in Wembley Stadium, under the influence of what the FA spokesman is calling a “shit tonne of barbiturates”, misinterpreted a memo instructing him to issue a contract to Harry Redknapp.

The employee, who wishes to remain anonymous, has become an overnight internet sensation in the wake of the news. He released the following statement to Vacant journalists: “I think it’s pretty hilarious”

“We all know the England team is a sack of shit, how much worse can it get?”

More to follow.

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