A 45 year old man from Merseyside was taken to hospital by air ambulance after an incident involving a loan shark. He is being treated for severe leg and torso lesions. A 29 year old woman, believed to be his girlfriend, was also admitted to Broadgreen Hospital, Liverpool, with minor injuries.
It is believed that the couple seriously underestimated the literal nature of the notorious black-market financier. Reports indicate that at around 17.00 BST last Friday, a man was seen entering a property, widely known in the area as belonging to the shady lender, “munching on a steak sandwich”.
“I was 30 feet away, but it was unmistakably bloodier than medium rare” said Gary Pratley, who was in the area at the time of the incident. “All I’m saying is, I wouldn’t go near ol’ Jagger with even a pack of Walker’s steak and onion”
Richard ‘Jaws’ Jagger, a 14ft great white shark, is well known to the local authorities, having been charged with various accounts of assault, intimidation and minor fraud over the past decade.
“This won’t be the last time a member of the public falls foul of Mr Jagger” a police spokesperson said earlier today. “In the current economic climate, it is only natural for someone to seek alternative means of paying the bills. But we must stress that engaging in illegal activity with such characters is seriously dangerous, as Fridays events prove”
“By means of prosecution, there isn’t much we can about Mr Jagger” he continued. “Since the EU introduced those new fishing laws, we can’t just bash him on the head and chuck him back in the ocean”