Tennessee Senate bans the exclusive teaching of gravity

The Tennessee Senate has today approved a bill declaring that gravity is ‘just one of many possible theories” and should not be taught exclusively in schools.

Ron Weinger, a Republican State Senator who supported the bill, stated that the legislature would allow students to “challenge current scientific thought and theory”.

Speaking from outside the Tennesse State Capitol building in Nashville, Weinger said the bill would protect teachers who chose to criticize gravity and other scientific theories in their classrooms.

“The aim of all education is to teach students to think for themselves and we plan to do this by allowing children to be indoctrinated with whatever loosely founded views their teachers may hold.”

He added “there is strong evidence in the Bible that the Law of Gravity is a fallacy. For example, Hebrew 1:3 explicitly states that Christ upholds all things by the word of his power – seems like a pretty solid argument to me”

“If you compare this against what’s currently taught – that matter ‘emits gravitational waves’ which ‘effect the curvature of the space time continuum’…well gravity starts to look pretty unlikely doesn’t it? I’m pretty sure most of those aren’t even real words. Unlike Christ’s.”

Ms. Jenny Fuller, an elementary school teacher from Gatlinburg TN who has been campaigning against the inclusion of gravity in the school curriculum for several years, said she was “delighted” with the outcome.

“I have long felt uncomfortable teaching gra…gra….this theory” she said. “It is clearly a dangerous idea to teach our children – Newton ‘discovered’ gravity by an apple falling on his head, Adam and Eve fell from the Garden of Eden for eating one. Then Newton calls gravity an ‘attractive force between all objects’ – such a mentality is clearly a gateway for temptation and sexual promiscuity”.

Chairman of the Tennessee Republicans Chris Malloy said the bill was “a huge advancement for this great State.”

He added “this stand against the teaching of gravity, forced upon us by the Federal Government, perfectly embodies the Republican values that Tennessee was founded on – religious freedom, laissez-faire governance and trickle-down economics…oh…wait…fuck.”

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37 comments on “Tennessee Senate bans the exclusive teaching of gravity

  1. This has got to be the DUMBEST Thing I have ever read in my entire life. Gravity is a law, you wanna explain then how things don’t just fly off into nothing? and what happened to seperation of church and state, when the CONGRESSMAN who wrote and supported the law quoted the bible as a good reason to support it. Stop this state I want out when they claim its a “great day for the state”. I weep for our students.

  2. This is satire right?

  3. This is what happens when you give dumb ass politicians too much power.

  4. Donkasaurus says:

    his dipshit (Rob Weinger) says that students should be taught to question all current scientific knowledge…I agree with that statement. However, he then goes on to say that we should prevent our children from being indoctrinated through the loosely founded views of their teachers. THIS MAGNIFICENT **ASSHOLE** then goes on to say that the Bible gives us strong evidence that the Law of Gravity is a fallacy. WAIT A SECOND! What happened to all of the “should not be indoctrinated through the loosely founded views of their teachers” stuff? Last I checked science teachers base their views on empirical evidence that has been peer reviewed and determined to be the best understanding of the truth by scientists and the principles of Occam’s Razor. Meanwhile, the bible bases it’s “LOOSELY FOUNDED VIEWS” on a collection of hyperbolic stories passed down thousands of years ago from generation to generation by a bunch of illiterate Arab and Hebrew people who still believe that mice formed spontaneously from piles of hay…

    “MY BRAIN IS SO FULL OF FUCK RIGHT NOW!”

  5. Donkasaurus says:

    This*

  6. RickyB says:

    A brilliant spoof – it is so plausible as parodying the religious rubbish that is so prevalent in the USA.

  7. Valerie says:

    They are crazy…they do not read their Bible right!…Just because God holds the world together does not mean He don’t use gravity to do it!, He created gravity just as He created mankind etc. I dont necessarily agree with the curent def. of it, but there is such a thing that keeps us “grounded”.

  8. mark neal says:

    Laws can be repealed!

  9. there is NO gravity;the earth SUCKS!

    • TheSteelGeneral says:

      The FACT that there’s no gravity has been a deeply felt believe of mine, especially during drinking and watching FoKKKs nooze.

  10. labman57 says:

    Good satire is usually based on a kernel of ironic truth — in this case, at the core is a fundamental ignorance about the term “theory” by people who have placed themselves in a position to dictate how science educators shall do their jobs.

    Evolution is a verifiable fact. It is the mechanism through which it occurs — natural selection — that comprises the theory.

    People who do not understand how science works seem to think that a “theory” is somehow lacking in power and validity. Scientific theories are our best explanation for an event or phenomenon based on the available evidence, i.e., a theory tells us HOW it happens. Theories have generally been subjected to rigorous empirical and/or mathematical testing and represent the consensus of the scientific community, whereas a hypothesis is a possible explanation for a specific observation and has not necessarily been extensively tested.

    Calling something a theory does not cheapen or weaken it. On the contrary, the term “theory” gives it legitimacy as something that is scientifically testable and that has been rigorously examined either mathematically or empirically to the point that the available evidence overwhelming supports it.

    Quantum mechanics, special and general relativity, molecular kinetics — all THEORIES!

    Theories are based on the best empirical EVIDENCE available, not PROOF. There is an incredible wealth of evidence — both geological and biochemical — to support evolution by natural selection.

    Regarding climate change theory:

    The methods being used to establish a relationship between CO2 and climate change are similar to those used in the 1970’s to determine the impact of CFCs on the depleting ozone layer in the stratosphere.

    Correlational data is gathered in the field, and causation is established by conducting experiments under controlled laboratory conditions. Computer simulations are used to visualize the effects over time, a mechanism is hypothesized for the causation, and field work determines that this mechanism is a viable explanation for how CO2 levels in the atmosphere can impact the global climate. After repeated experiments and field studies by various research teams around the world confirm the initial hypothesis, it is elevated to theory status.

    Climate change or “global warming” is factual and measurable; it is the mechanism or cause of the change that can be debated, but the available evidence overwhelming suggests a manmade cause, hence the label “theory” applies.

    • TheSteelGeneral says:

      You’re right, the problem is that the anti-evolution crowd thinks ‘theory’ is the same as random speculation…. but they’re not.
      So, whenever someone says, it’s JUST a theory” correct them and say that they’re talking about SPECULATION, NOT a theory which is a corroborated body of scientific work, tens or hundreds of years old.

    • RickyB says:

      An elegant and very succinctly worded reply, thank you. It should be read by all the creationists and “intelligent design” believers, but alas it won’t be. I doubt if they read a satirical magazine like this in case it makes them feel uncomfortable.

      • TheSteelGeneral says:

        Wow, no one has EVER called ANYTHING I’ve ever said “elegant and very succinctly worded” nor did I ever think I was like that, on the contrary.

        Even if we would experience disaster after climate disaster, do NOT expect any heartfelt apology from the crazies. They will simply shrug it off and say that GAWD!! has willed it so we can all go F— ourselves.

  11. Nicole says:

    Excuse me while I go on a anti-idiot tirade…. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!! This is the stupidest shit that I have EVER heard of, and believe me, the shit coming out lately in the news is fucking outrageous but this takes the cake. Will people (especially those in Tennessee – because lately you have been one fucking fucked up stupid lawmaking/changing son-of-a-bitches) start to wake up and STOP ELECTING THESE FUCKING IDIOTS! The world already hates us and then this stupid shit keeps popping up, so they no longer hate us but laugh at how FUCKIN RETARDED WE HAVE BECAOME!

    • Adam says:

      People are getting fooled by this satire because it is the absolute best kind: the kind that’s believable. I saw this headline on Facebook and never for an instant even considered the possibility that it was not real. In fact I spouted off on FB before I even came out to read the headline, and only realized it was satire when I hit the first couple “quotations.”

      Nicole’s response above, while technically unwarranted given the fact that this isn’t actually real, is completely warranted given all the other crap we are constantly reading that IS real. Climate change is “faked”? Evolution is unprovable? These people would claim the sun revolves around the earth if they thought it would help their political agenda. It’s pathetic, disgusting, horrifying, and sad.

      • TheSteelGeneral says:

        I so agree. People are getting upset with this because it’s totally credible to everyone that RepuKKKes could say this.
        Who knows? There are probably RepuKKKelican’ts who would even agree with this NOW. I wouldn’t put it past them.

  12. julie voye says:

    um, it’s parody. jesus christ people.

  13. drumer81 says:

    wow….this must be a saturday night live skit….god i hope it is….otherwise the inmates have taken over the asylum. next because somewhere in the bivle it might say”and when he got to the river he pareted it…..same kind of nonsense. seriously, children are easily influenced it a very bad idea to let impresoinable developing minds hear this….or they will think all adults are morons.

  14. Ira says:

    Everyone here who did not realize that this is satire should immediately return their computers to the store where they bought them. They are too stupid to be entrusted with anything more complex than an abacus.

    • EZinTN says:

      Well, while I agree folks should’ve “got it” by the time they got around to posting, you should know that if you remove the quotes and change gravity to evolution, then it is real. TN passed it late last year, or very early this year, and it is now law. This is what is being parodied, no less crazy than the parody itself.

      • Ira says:

        I think that anyone who did not have the sense to recognize this as a parody should not have the right to vote in national of local elections. It could be that because of this type of mentality, Obama was elected last time around.

      • Ira says:

        I think that anyone who did not have the sense to recognize this as satire should not have the right to vote in national of local elections.

        It could be that these are the type of people who elected Obama the last time around.

      • TheSteelGeneral says:

        @IRA
        Well, color me shocked to discover an somewhat non-moronic KKKonservative in old Ira here!!!!

  15. Kathryn Whitehead says:

    I was shocked to read this. What really shocked me was that I wasn’t sure it it was factual or satire. What does it say about the world we live in, that it wouldn’t surprise me if this was actually happening.

    • Ira says:

      I think that one who did not have the sense to recognize this as satire should not have the right to vote in national or local elections.

      These are the type of people who elected Obama the last time around.

  16. Jorges says:

    Senator, with all do respect you are a Moron! Stand up on a ladder, jump. If you are able to float you have defied the Law of Gravity. It has nothing to do with the bible. Now if you do float, We have something going. Are you on Depakote by any chance>

  17. Ira i think that the satirical part of your post was to say that the uniformed voted Obama in.. considering the previous administration destroyed our economy, lied and went to war with Iraq because of his lies and murdered thousands of our troops and hundreds of thousands of iraqis, alienated most of our allies in the UN. not to mention the fact that over 3.4 million jobs lost in the last 6 months of his admin.. well i fear that you would vote romney into office., if ever there was satire it is romney running for president..

  18. Barbara L Little says:

    While this piece is presented as satire, here is a link to the actual Senate Bill 893 that was introduced and PASSED into LAW.
    http://www.capitol.tn.gov/Bills/107/Bill/SB0893.pdf
    Un-freakin-believable!!!

  19. […] Tennessee Senate bans the exclusive teaching of gravity « Vacant …Jul 13, 2012 … The Tennessee Senate has today approved a bill declaring that gravity is ‘just one of many possible theories” and should not be taught … […]

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